


unspoken

by housekenobi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Nightmares, Panic, gender neutral reader, implied history of sexual trauma, memory sharing via the force, obi wan is too intuitive, revisiting traumatic memory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/housekenobi/pseuds/housekenobi
Summary: You have a nightmare and Obi-Wan provides comfort. (while nothing is graphic, some content may be triggering: please heed the warnings in the tags)
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/You
Kudos: 45





	unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted on Tumblr under the same handle. Please heed the tags and make sure this is something you're comfortable reading before you continue; it's a deeply personal piece and has been posted for catharsis.

There was ice flowing through your veins. 

Cold and dark and dangerous; a wild scream building in your throat. 

Buzzing - the buzzing that wouldn’t stop, just building and building and building but- 

Why is it so cold?

And why - why can’t you breathe? 

When did the air go away, ripped from your lungs before you had the chance to- 

To do what, exactly? What could you have done? 

Why do you think you had a choice? 

You used to -

But not anymore ;; is it getting colder?

You could feel their hands wrapped around your heart, squeezing your life away, nails ripping into the muscle as you’re consumed by that persistent hum - 

If you just had wings you could get away. 

_You don’t need wings._

The buzzing was met with drumming, the ice flow stopped in its tracks, the squeezing - 

Maker the the squeezing - 

You were certain ;; this is the end. 

_No._

When was the last time that word had meaning? 

The last time anyone cared? 

The last time - 

The air was gone again, the ice had turned to fire; the buzzing, the drumming, the buzzing the drumming the maker forsaken buzzing and then - 

Your name. Dropped from the sky to land in your chest, to bloom - 

Your name again, this time closer, warmer - an invitation. A question. 

_A choice._

A choice. 

Your name again, inside your head, the black edges of your vision fading into the blue that felt like home. 

Light and clear it spread across your vision, a voice quietly filling your mind - where did the buzzing go? 

_You’re safe._

The words bounced around the edges of your consciousness before settling, central, a beam of light - a focus. 

Your name again, a little louder this time - the sound of a promise. 

Your hand met your cheek, cool rivers streaming down your hot skin. 

When your eyes fluttered open they looked into his - the blue of his irides persistent, even in the dark. 

Especially in the dark. 

You felt him slowly edge away, respecting the privacy of your mind but - 

“Stay, if you would, please." 

Your voice was hoarse, the source of the buzzing evident, confirmed by the presence inside of your head. 

_I’ll stay as long as you need._

You nodded then, turning onto your side to bury your face against his chest. 

An arm, heavy and warm, laid gently across you, delicate fingers removing the knots from your hair. 

_Is this okay?_

You quietly nodded your head, a much louder affirmation filling your thoughts, spreading into your - 

_Rest, dear one._

Rest. 

== 

Morning came, as it always does, the light slowly spreading to push away the shadows. 

You swallowed, throat so raw it felt like you had eaten the very sands of Tatooine; bits of glass poured down your throat for daring to sleep. 

When you rolled your head to the side your eyes slowly opened, praying to anything that would listen that you would see him next to you. 

But you were - 

_Not alone._

His voice was far more quiet now, settled into the periphery. Present but not pushing, respecting the boundaries of your mind, your skin, that wild thing that happens sometimes but you never talk about. 

What was there to say, to tell, when every time you tried you felt like you couldn’t breathe - 

_I’m sorry._

"You shouldn’t be” you whispered, low and heavy with the burden digging into your shoulders, unrelenting despite your best efforts. 

You were never asked if you had wanted to carry it in the first place. 

_Set it down._

A clank from the small kitchen caught your attention, sitting up on your elbows to see Obi-Wan rounding the corner, carrying a try laden with plates and bowls and cups. 

“Every time I leave it somewhere, it finds its way back to me." 

There was no hiding, especially around him. You were tired, broken; slowly putting the pieces of yourself back together, hoping you wouldn’t lose any in the process. 

He climbed up next you while you sat slowly, aching from an empty fight against your own mind. 

"Say the word and I’ll pick it up for you." 

He was somber, his thumb running in small circles across the top of your knee. 

"I’ll never eat all of this by myself,” you laughed, an attempt at lightness met with a knowing look. The food he brought was an easy distraction; he let you have it for now. 

“I didn’t know what you wanted,” he offered with a small smile, a gentle tilt with his head. 

_I wanted you to have a choice._

Some things were better left unspoken. 

You looked down at the tray and saw a glass with water and one with juice. Toast with eggs, and sweet toast that had been drizzled with honey and heaped with berries. A shuura fruit and a plum. 

A cup of tea, and a cup of caf. 

You smiled as you looked at it, watching him bite his lower lip before letting out a quiet chuckle. 

You were never one for caf. 

“There was exactly one packet of caf in that kitchen, buried behind boxes and boxes of tea, and yet you found it." 

He smiled in earnest, glad to see the break of day finally drawing across your face. 

"I’ll drink that, so you don’t have to." 

Your voice was still raw as you reached for the cup, just to watch it slowly float away and into the hands of the man at your side. 

"I’m certain you would,” he smiled again, taking a slow sip and masking a slight grimace. 

_Have what you like, dear one. I’ll have what’s left._

You smiled at him, sipping at your tea, the gentle warmth soothing the burn. 

But as your lips turned towards the sky again, a gentle shake of your head released a quiet tear, quickly swept away by a calloused thumb. 

“What troubles you?" 

He was always so gentle with you, able to fill in all those missing pieces when you came back torn apart. He put you together the first night, barely a word shared and yet somehow, he knew. 

You let out a quiet sigh as you turned to look at him, running your thumb around the lip of your mug. 

"Can I show you something?" 

"Anything you’d like." 

You took his index and middle fingers and held them to your temple, his warmth seeping into your skin as you slowly exhaled, closing your eyes. 

Memories flew by at breakneck speed until you found the one you wanted, dark and deeply hidden - 

Things were jumbled, foggy - hard to place. There were sharp whispers and a far off scream; a sharp pain filled his stomach and you both tasted blood before it all went black - 

You felt him pull against you, watching you stare into the shadowy abyss of your own mind. 

Damaged goods. 

The broken Jedi. 

Worthless - 

He pulled again, more insistent this time, and with a blink you both surfaced, gasping for air. 

Tears stained his flushed cheeks as he looked at you, tightening his grip around your hand. 

"I can carry it so you don’t have to if you’ll let me, or I can manipulate it -" 

The man who already carried the entire galaxy on his back was ready to take on more. To shoulder the burden you never asked for. To freely accept every ounce of pain - just so you wouldn’t have to live it anymore - 

"I’m certain you would." 

His own words fell back to his ears and he gave you a solemn look. He made a quiet offer then, edging on the outskirts of being a delicate plea. 

"Together then?" 

You nodded as you cut each toast in half, arranging all he had brought so you each had a taste. When you stuck your hand out for his mug he understood, watching you take a quiet sip of the caf before returning it to his hands. 

"When I got back that night, I went to find you right away -" 

Your voice was quiet; almost as if you were afraid to wake the memory once more. 

"You don’t have to explain right now,” he started, accepting the plate from your hands.

You would face it full on with him in time, but on your own terms.

You ate in silence then, laughing when Obi-Wan nearly lost his sweet toast, honey sticking to the tip of his nose. You leaned over and kissed it away, smiling at the sweetness. 

He was thoughtful for a moment, giving your knee a gentle squeeze and you let out a quiet sigh, laying your hand on top of his. 

“I love you too, you know." 

He looked at you surprised before his smile set in, reaching up to the corners of his eyes. 

Some things are better left unspoken. 

But not this. 


End file.
